Journey Through Divorce

If you could just be happy, right? But how do you get there? The path from a troubled marriage to personal happieness is not so simple, is it?

I was doing a phone session just the other day when Jack said to me, “I’ve got to get out of this marriage. I’ve got to find happiness for ME.”

In fact, it’s quite common for people in an unhappy marriage to think that happiness is just on the other side of divorce. It’s ironic. When we’re single, we’ll be happy when we meet someone. Once we’re married, we think we’l be happy when we’re single.

But you know deep down that you can’t be happy alone. Your life is meant to be part of another life.

If you focus on YOUR happiness; happiness will elude you. But if you focus on your marriage, you’ll find happiness for YOURSELF. In toher words, being happy is NOT the result of YOU trying to be happy. It’s the CONSEQUENCE of you creating a successful marriage with your spouse.

Pursuing happiness is like a boomerang; if it comes back to YOU, then you’ve missed the target.

It’s like good sex. Research shows that the more you focus on having good sex, the more good sex eludes you. The key to good sex is good physical conditioning and a deep EMOTIONAL connection. In other words, good sex is not something you pursue; it’s something that ensues.

It’s the same thing with your happiness. It’s not something you pursue; it’s something that ensues from efforts that transcend yourself.

The hardest time to focus on your marriage is when you’re frustrated with your spouse. I know that. I know you’d rather turn inward. But if you do, you’ll narrow your existence. You’ll close yourself in. You’ll shield your pain (to some extent), but you’ll also turn your back on your only hope.

You’ve got to turn and face the darkness in your life. And I don’t mean face it for a couple of weeks and then give up because “it didn’t work.” The key to most marital circumstances is ENDURANCE. It took you years to get yourself into this mess, it’s going to take more than a couple of weeks to get yourself out of it.

If you’re ready to devote yourself to becoming a better spouse and fixing your marriage, subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

My father-in-law just sent this to me. I though you’d appreciate it.

You can use most any measure
When you’re speaking of ‘Success’.
You can measure it in fancy home,
Expensive car or dress.

But… the measure of your REAL success
Is the one you can not spend.
It’s the way your kids describe YOU
When they’re speaking to a friend!

-Martin Buxbaum

Now you might be thinking, “Why is he sending me this? ISn’t this the MARRIAGE guy?”

Don’t worry; you’re not losing your mind. I am the marriage guy. But this IS about your MARRIAGE! Let me explain.

You’re probably trying you’re best to be a good parent, right? Think for a moment abou tall the time, energy, and money you put into your children. You send them to the best schools, help them with their homework, buy them the cutest Sunday clothes, work hard to save for their college education, take them to the best doctors, plan special birthday parties, drive them to baseball practice, and make their favorite dinner.

That’s all fine, but make no mistake about it; the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your children is NONE of those things. The most important thing you can do for your children has nothing to do with education, entertainment, athletic endeavors, or even their physical health. The most important thing YOU can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE with your spouse.

It’s hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. Why? Because teaching your children how to succeed in love is your MOST IMPORTANT responsibility.

There will be nothing more important in your children’s lives than the uccess of their marriage. (I know you know that.) And who’s going to teach them how to love their spouse. You are! But they won’t learn it from what you say; they’ll learn it from the life you lead… they’ll learn it from YOUR marriage.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

Whatever you wan your children to achieve in their life, you first have to achieve yourself. If you’re struggling in your marriage, it’s probably because your parents struggled too. So, who’s going to break the cycle? Will YOU be the one to change things for generations to come? Or will your children suffer the same burden? Balls in your court.

It’s not easy t obe what’s called a “transition person.” But it’s doable. YOU can be the “transition person” in your lineage and pave a new path for future genertions in your family.

There’s nothing better for your children than to be raised amidst the comfort fo parents who love each other. And there’s nothing more devastating to a young sould than to be the victim of a broken family.

If your children don’t see love between you and your spouse, it won’t matter where they go to school or how fashionably they dress. But if they witness true love between you and your spouse, you will give them the greatest gift life has to offer.

Be a good parent. Do everything you can to succeed with your marriage.

IF you think I can help you with your situation, you might consider joining the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp. It begins soon. For more info or to register, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then get everything TOMORROW with the Marriage Fitness Home-Flex. For more info or to order, click here.

If you prefer private sessions, I’m available via telephone or for full-day intensive “house calls.” For moer info about private sessions, click here.

I assume at this point you’ve already listened to the Audio Learning Program of Marriage Fitness. If not, click here and start listening to this invaluable marriage renewal guide. It’ll take you step-by-step to exactly where you’re trying to get to in your relationship.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I wish you the best.

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

I’d like to share with you one of the building blocks for restoring a marriage.

But first just a quick reminder that the next Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp begins soon. Do you know where he boot camp takes place? In your home! That’s right, you don’t have to go anywhere. It’s all done on the telephone, with CD’s, workbooks, and a members-only web site. If you’re ready to transform your marriage, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order Marriage Fitness Home-Flex, a 9-phase multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And the best news is… you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, click here.

Now here’s that building block I referred to.

Everyone has a reputation. We don’t get to pick, but everyone is known for something.

It seems that I’m known for helping people repair broken marriages. And in particular, you could say that my specialty is helping people “win back” their spouse who claims to have fallen out of love.

If that’s your situation, you’ll want to listen carefully. And even if it’s not, you can learn a lot about how to reconcile your marriage from what I’m about to share.

When a person learns that their husband or wife doesn’t love them anymore, they go crazy trying to find a fix for their problem. The same is true for couples trying to resolve differences before it’s too late.

Many people go online and search for THE answer. (That’s probably how you found me.) But finding a solution to your marriage problem is NOT like finding a solution to your home financing problem. You can’t just click, buy, and get instant gratification.

Today people are into quick fixes. But you can’t “microwave” a relationship. Relationships work according to the law of the harvest.

You know how a harvest works, don’t you? In the spring time you have to plant. Then you have to water, fertilize, and irrigate all summer long. There’s something else you have to do too… wait! You have to be patient. And then, after you complete every step of the process, you can harvest the crop.

We’re not used to revering a process. Most people look for short-cuts. Today everything is about efficiency. Efficiency works with machines, business, and finances. But efficiency does NOT work with relationships.

Renewing a marriage takes TIME. There are no short-cuts! You have to respect the process and be willing to take every step. (And you have to know what the steps are.)

Can you imagine goofing-off all spring and summer and then trying t oharvest a crop in the fall? It’s impossible!

Relationships, like crops, are governed by the natural laws of the universe. There are no short-cuts. If you skip a step, you’ll short circuit the process and slow yourself down. But if you take your time and go step-by-step… .that’s the fastest way.

A while ago I had a series of private phone sessions with a man desperately tryin gto “win back” his wife. He told me about an e-book he downloaded which recommended that he date other women in order to make his wife jealous. He said the author explained that this would bring his wife back to him.

“Yeah,” I said. “And then what?”

“What do you mean?” he said.

“Your wife left you because she wasn’t happy with YOU,” I explained. “If YOU don’t change, then she’ll leave again. If your relationship doesn’t change, then you will have accomplished nothing LONG-TERM.”

Think about it. What kind of man would date a woman to make his wife jealous? The woman he’s dating is looking for emotional intimacy and probably to get married. Be he’s using her. That’s not nice! In fact, that’s exactly the kind of man that a woman would leave and NEVER come back to.

Now you might be thinking, “Yeah Mort, but how would his wife ever know that he was using this woman?”

Here’s the answer. Listen carefully.

His wife would know because if he did it, then that’s who he is. His wife may not know the details of what he’s doing. But she knows him. And if he did such a thing, then that’s him, and everyone knows it.

William George Jordan said, “Into the hands of every individual is given a mrvelous power or good or evil… the silent, unconcious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.”

There IS an energy that emanates from all of us. You can’t fake it. It’s a functio of who you really are. And who you really are is determined by how you live.

The only way YOU can change your marriage is to change yourself. You’ve got to become the man or woman that anyone would want to be married to. You have to learn what a man/woman wants in a marriage AND how to implement relationship habits so that you can offer it CONSISTENTLY.

Are you thinking, “It’s not me thatneeds to change; it’s my spouse.”

It’s easy to confess your spouse’s sins. And you’re probably correct about what you’re spounse needs to change. But it does not good to be right. And it’s a complete waste of time and energy t ofocus on your spouse’s problems. There’s nothing you can do about it. The only relevant question is: What’s YOUR fixing?

You had a role in the deterioration of your marriage. I have NEVER seen a marital situation that is caused by one spouse. There’s always dual responsibility. What can YOU do to improve the situation?

Reflect on your past relationships. Do you see a pattern? Look at your parent’s marriage. Are you recreating the model you saw when you were a child? Have you explored the childhood roots of your relationship habits and how they contributed to your marital circumstances?

Even if your spouse had an affair, you’re partly responsible. That doesn’t mean that it’s your fault and it doesn’t excuse your spouse’s inappropriate behavior, but the question still remains: What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Business pople selling e-books (or other such product and services) might be able to take advantage of desperate men and woman searching for a fts solution to their problems. But these quick-fix techniques NEVER work. In fact, they make matters worse! Why? Because you only get one change at a second chance. Did you hear that? You only get one change at a second change. Don’t blow your chance on a quick-fix technique. Begin now the REAL process of renewing your marriage and start to put into place the building blocks for a healthy LASTING marriage.

It would be an honor to help you accomplish this.

As I mentioned, the next Marriage Fitess Tele-Boot Camp begins soon. For more infor or to register, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around or if the boot camp is sold-out, then get everything TOMORROW with Marriage Fitness Home-Flex. For more info or to order, click here.

I also do private 1-on-1 sessions. If you’re situation is urgent or if you desire personal and customized attention, you might want to consider private sessions. Once again, if you revi the testimonials on my web site, you’ll see that I’ve been known to put seemingly hopeless couples on a path to reconciliation. For more info about private session, click here.

I assume at this point you’ve already listened to Audio Learning Program of Marriage Fitness. If not, , click here and start listening to this invaluable marriage renewal guide. It’ll take you step-by-step to exactly where you’re trying to get to in your relationship.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I wish you the best.

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marrriage Fitness

I thought you might like to hear from some people who did the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. It’s one thing to read what I have to say about the boot camp; it’s quite another to hear from people just like you.

Whether you’re considering the boot camp or not, I think you’ll find the stories below will give you hope and inspiration. Dramatic change CAN happen in YOUR marriage too.

FROM MARTIN IN ROSEDALE, INDIANA

Hi Mort

My wife and I have been married 3 years and it was hard from the start. We’ve both been divorced before so this was not our first time trying to make a marriage work. This time was not going well either. My wife had 2 affairs, she left 4 times, and marriage counseling was a disaster. We were on the brink of divorce again. Then I surfed the net and found you.

I ordered your audio program, made appointments for private sessions with you, and registered for the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. In a matter of weeks, you saved our marriage, and, more importantly, taught us how to build love on our own.

If anyone is reading this who needs marriage help, get it from Mort. You won’t be sorry.

Thank you again Mort for saving our marriage and teaching us how to create love in our relationship.

Martin
Rosedale, Indiana
(Started in Lone Ranger Track and transferred for no-cost to the Duo Track after inspiring his wife to join him)

D.B.D. FROM NEW YORK, NY

Dear Mort,

Now that my tele-boot camp is over I would like to tell you how helpful it was.

I was in the lone ranger track. My husband said he didn’t love me or feel an emotional connection with me. He also said divorce would be our only option.

I listened to your audio program and joined the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. You gave me advice that I sometimes didn’t want to follow, but I did it anyway because I made a commitment to follow the program. I went from being a hysterical, scared woman, whose husband was having a year long affair to a confident wife whose husband has asked for a new beginning.

I would recommend this program to anyone. It really has made me see things more clearly than ever before. I am so grateful. Thank you and keep working with people like us!

D.B.D.

FROM T.B. IN MARYLAND

Are you thinking about registering for the boot camp? Here’s my story.

We had been married for 17 years and our marriage was falling apart. We couldn’t get through a conversation without criticism or attack. I heard Mort Fertel on the radio speaking about the principles of Marriage Fitness. After almost a year of traditional marriage counseling and making no improvement in our marriage, we decided to order his audio program. What a difference in just a few short weeks. Then we heard about the Boot Camp. My husband and I signed up and very much looked forward to each session. Through Mort’s guidance, we were able to make considerable progress. The workbook was especially helpful in helping give us ideas to reconnect and infuse positive energy into our marriage. For me, the boot camp also taught me how my actions and behaviors were sabotaging our relationship. I had always thought that if only my husband changed, our marriage would improve. I now see that no progress could be made until I recognized and made an effort to change my behavior toward my spouse. Mort was always available to answer questions and held us accountable to our own behaviors. Six months ago, I was counting the days until the kids were grown to leave my marriage, I no longer do that. Even though every day is not perfect, I can now see a hopeful future with my husband. We still have a lot of work to do, but we have a changed marital environment in which to do the work and have a bright outlook for a happy future.

T.B., Maryland
(Duo Track)

FROM LAURIE IN SIREN, WISCONSIN

Dear Mort,

It is hard to find words to describe the impact that you and the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp had on our marriage. Our marriage was on its last breath. We hadn’t talked, wanted to touch or felt close in years. But the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp turned our marriage around. It breathed life into our relationship. It saved our marriage!

You helped me see that there was hope when things seemed hopeless. I can honestly say I do not know where Don and I woudl be today without your help.

Practicing “marriage fitness” is a way of life for us now. We are very optimistic about our future together. Thanks so much for giving us the tools we need to make our marriage and lives happier than we could ever imagine.

Sincerely,
Laurie S.
(Lone Ranger Track)

I hope you found it meaningful to read about some of the marriage renewal successes born from the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. Any of those stories could be YOU! All it takes is 7 weeks.

To register for the next program or for more information, CLICK HERE.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX, a 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, CLICK HERE.

Depending on your circumstances, you may also benefit from private sessions. I do phone sessions and full-day intensive “house calls.” For more information, CLICK HERE.

Let me know if you have any questions and what I can do to help.

Wishing you well,

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness