Do you know what percent of SECOND marriages end in divorce?

It should be LESS THAN 50%, right? After all, who would make those same painful mistakes again? People marrying a second time have the “benefit” of knowing what kind of person to pick this time, right?

The divorce rate for SECOND marriages is 70%! And THIRD marriages; closer to 80%!

“Mort, you mean my chances get worse, not better?”

That’s right. Because the key to succeeding in marriage is NOT finding the right person; it’s YOU becoming the right person. We’ll get back to that point in a moment.

Did you know that women who finally get out of abusive relationships usually fall in love with another abusive man? What bad luck, rght?

It’s not luck.

Did you know that men whose first wives cheated on them usually get cheated on by their second wife too?

How could that be? You’d think that after suffering the torment of infidelity a man would only marry a woman with impeccable morals and unwavering commitment.

You’d think… but it doens’t work that way.

Listen to this story. It’ll pull all the pieces together for you.

A man once came to a town and asked the local sage, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the man, ‘What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are liars, cheaters, and mean spirited,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

Then another man came to town and asked the sage the same question, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the man, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?

“Where I’m from the people are wonderful, kind, and courteous,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

You see, people are not as you see them; people are as YOU are.

What do you get when you smile at someone? You get a smile back. And if you stare at someone? You get a stare back. What you get is what you are.

We’re NOT an objective observer of the people in our life; we’re a subjective influence. In other words, our presence changes what we observe.

Let me give you a simple example. Let’s say you wanted to measure the temperature in a small room. So you bring a thermometer into the room and wait for a reading. But since your body temperature is 98.6 degrees, the fact that you’re in the room changes the reading you get. As long as you’re there, things are different.

It works the same in your marriage. Your relationship is not simply a function of who you pick; it’s also a function of who you are.

Who you are and who your spouse is mixes to form the dynamics of your relationship. I know you want your spouse to change. And YES your marriage would be better if they did. But YOU changing can change things just as well.

Now, please listen carefully and please don’t misunderstand my point. I’m NOT saying that everything is your fault. If your spouse receives my emails, then they’re reading the same message directed to THEM. It’s no ones fault; but it’s everyone’s RESPONSIBILITY. In other words, BOTH you and your spouse contribute to the dynamics in your relationship, whatever they are, and BOTH you and your spouse can single-handedly change them.

No matter what your spouse did to cause your marriage to deteriorate, they’re responsible. And they should change. But you played a role too. I know that’s hard to hear. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. But once you swallow it, you’re not longer a helpless victim; you become empowered to change circumstances that seemed out of your control.

It’s easy to confess your spouse’s sins. And you’re probably correct about what your spouse needs to change. But it does no good to be right. And it’s a complete waste of time and energy to focus on your spouse’s problems. There’s nothing you can do about it. Your spouse will change when they’re ready to change. The only relevant question for you is: What’s YOUR fixing?

You had a role in the deterioration of your marriage. I have never seen a marital situation caused by one spouse. There’s always dual responsibility. What can YOU do to improve the situation?

Reflect on your past relationships. Do you see a pattern? Look at your parent’s marriage. Are you recreating the model you saw when you were a child? Have you explored with a professional the childhood roots of your relationship habits and how they contributed to your marital circumstances?

Even if your spouse had an affair, you’re partly responsible. That doesn’t mean that it’s your fault and it doesn’t excuse your spouse’s inappropriate behavior, but the question still remains: What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Don’t just sit there sulking in the misery of your situation while you wait for your spouse to change or for God to perform a miracle. If you want your situation to change, then change it! Do YOUR part. Because if YOU change, then everything around you changes too.

Now there is one more important point. You might be thinking, “Mort, I have changed. But my situtaoin has not.” Change itself is not good enough. You’ve got to make the right changes. Like a scientist, you have to know EXACTLY what changes to make to get the outcome you’re looking for.

If you want to become the kind of person that your spouse would be nuts to walk away from; if you want to learn how to implement relationship habits that can change the dynamics between you and your spouse; if you want to learn EXACTLY what changes to make to get the result you’re looking for, then join the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. The next one begins soon. There’s a track for couples doing the program together and a different track if you’re dealing with an uncooperative spouse (LONE RANGER TRACK). And where does this program take place? From your HOME! It’s a TELE boot camp. All you need is a telephone. For details or to register, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then get everything TOMORROW with Marriage Fitness Home-Flex. For more info or to order, click here.

If you want to schedule a private session with me, here’s how it works: I do PHONE sessions or full-day intensive “house calls.” To schedule an appointment or for more information bout private sessions, click here.

At the very least, if you’re serious about renewing your marriage, you’ve got to listen to the Audio Learning Program of Marriage Fitness. This is what thousands of people and couples worldwide are using as an “audio handbook” to restore their marriage. To order, click here.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I wish you the best.

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

I was doing a phone session just the other day when Jack said to me, “I’ve got to get out of this marriage. I’ve got to find happiness for ME.”

In fact, it’s quite common for people in an unhappy marriage to think that happiness is just on the other side of divorce. It’s ironic. When we’re single, we’ll be happy when we meet someone. Once we’re married, we think we’l be happy when we’re single.

But you know deep down that you can’t be happy alone. Your life is meant to be part of another life.

If you focus on YOUR happiness; happiness will elude you. But if you focus on your marriage, you’ll find happiness for YOURSELF. In toher words, being happy is NOT the result of YOU trying to be happy. It’s the CONSEQUENCE of you creating a successful marriage with your spouse.

Pursuing happiness is like a boomerang; if it comes back to YOU, then you’ve missed the target.

It’s like good sex. Research shows that the more you focus on having good sex, the more good sex eludes you. The key to good sex is good physical conditioning and a deep EMOTIONAL connection. In other words, good sex is not something you pursue; it’s something that ensues.

It’s the same thing with your happiness. It’s not something you pursue; it’s something that ensues from efforts that transcend yourself.

The hardest time to focus on your marriage is when you’re frustrated with your spouse. I know that. I know you’d rather turn inward. But if you do, you’ll narrow your existence. You’ll close yourself in. You’ll shield your pain (to some extent), but you’ll also turn your back on your only hope.

You’ve got to turn and face the darkness in your life. And I don’t mean face it for a couple of weeks and then give up because “it didn’t work.” The key to most marital circumstances is ENDURANCE. It took you years to get yourself into this mess, it’s going to take more than a couple of weeks to get yourself out of it.

If you’re ready to devote yourself to becoming a better spouse and fixing your marriage, subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

You can use most any measure
When you’re speaking of ‘Success’.
You can measure it in fancy home,
Expensive car or dress.

But… the measure of your REAL success
Is the one you can not spend.
It’s the way your kids describe YOU
When they’re speaking to a friend!

-Martin Buxbaum

Now you might be thinking, “Why is he sending me this? ISn’t this the MARRIAGE guy?”

Don’t worry; you’re not losing your mind. I am the marriage guy. But this IS about your MARRIAGE! Let me explain.

You’re probably trying you’re best to be a good parent, right? Think for a moment abou tall the time, energy, and money you put into your children. You send them to the best schools, help them with their homework, buy them the cutest Sunday clothes, work hard to save for their college education, take them to the best doctors, plan special birthday parties, drive them to baseball practice, and make their favorite dinner.

That’s all fine, but make no mistake about it; the MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do for your children is NONE of those things. The most important thing you can do for your children has nothing to do with education, entertainment, athletic endeavors, or even their physical health. The most important thing YOU can do for your children is to have a GREAT MARRIAGE with your spouse.

It’s hard to be a good parent unless you have a good marriage. Why? Because teaching your children how to succeed in love is your MOST IMPORTANT responsibility.

There will be nothing more important in your children’s lives than the uccess of their marriage. (I know you know that.) And who’s going to teach them how to love their spouse. You are! But they won’t learn it from what you say; they’ll learn it from the life you lead… they’ll learn it from YOUR marriage.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

Whatever you wan your children to achieve in their life, you first have to achieve yourself. If you’re struggling in your marriage, it’s probably because your parents struggled too. So, who’s going to break the cycle? Will YOU be the one to change things for generations to come? Or will your children suffer the same burden? Balls in your court.

It’s not easy t obe what’s called a “transition person.” But it’s doable. YOU can be the “transition person” in your lineage and pave a new path for future genertions in your family.

There’s nothing better for your children than to be raised amidst the comfort fo parents who love each other. And there’s nothing more devastating to a young sould than to be the victim of a broken family.

If your children don’t see love between you and your spouse, it won’t matter where they go to school or how fashionably they dress. But if they witness true love between you and your spouse, you will give them the greatest gift life has to offer.

Be a good parent. Do everything you can to succeed with your marriage.

IF you think I can help you with your situation, you might consider joining the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp. It begins soon. For more info or to register, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then get everything TOMORROW with the Marriage Fitness Home-Flex. For more info or to order, click here.

If you prefer private sessions, I’m available via telephone or for full-day intensive “house calls.” For moer info about private sessions, click here.

I assume at this point you’ve already listened to the Audio Learning Program of Marriage Fitness. If not, click here and start listening to this invaluable marriage renewal guide. It’ll take you step-by-step to exactly where you’re trying to get to in your relationship.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I wish you the best.

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

But first just a quick reminder that the next Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp begins soon. Do you know where he boot camp takes place? In your home! That’s right, you don’t have to go anywhere. It’s all done on the telephone, with CD’s, workbooks, and a members-only web site. If you’re ready to transform your marriage, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order Marriage Fitness Home-Flex, a 9-phase multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And the best news is… you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, click here.

Now here’s that building block I referred to.

Everyone has a reputation. We don’t get to pick, but everyone is known for something.

It seems that I’m known for helping people repair broken marriages. And in particular, you could say that my specialty is helping people “win back” their spouse who claims to have fallen out of love.

If that’s your situation, you’ll want to listen carefully. And even if it’s not, you can learn a lot about how to reconcile your marriage from what I’m about to share.

When a person learns that their husband or wife doesn’t love them anymore, they go crazy trying to find a fix for their problem. The same is true for couples trying to resolve differences before it’s too late.

Many people go online and search for THE answer. (That’s probably how you found me.) But finding a solution to your marriage problem is NOT like finding a solution to your home financing problem. You can’t just click, buy, and get instant gratification.

Today people are into quick fixes. But you can’t “microwave” a relationship. Relationships work according to the law of the harvest.

You know how a harvest works, don’t you? In the spring time you have to plant. Then you have to water, fertilize, and irrigate all summer long. There’s something else you have to do too… wait! You have to be patient. And then, after you complete every step of the process, you can harvest the crop.

We’re not used to revering a process. Most people look for short-cuts. Today everything is about efficiency. Efficiency works with machines, business, and finances. But efficiency does NOT work with relationships.

Renewing a marriage takes TIME. There are no short-cuts! You have to respect the process and be willing to take every step. (And you have to know what the steps are.)

Can you imagine goofing-off all spring and summer and then trying t oharvest a crop in the fall? It’s impossible!

Relationships, like crops, are governed by the natural laws of the universe. There are no short-cuts. If you skip a step, you’ll short circuit the process and slow yourself down. But if you take your time and go step-by-step… .that’s the fastest way.

A while ago I had a series of private phone sessions with a man desperately tryin gto “win back” his wife. He told me about an e-book he downloaded which recommended that he date other women in order to make his wife jealous. He said the author explained that this would bring his wife back to him.

“Yeah,” I said. “And then what?”

“What do you mean?” he said.

“Your wife left you because she wasn’t happy with YOU,” I explained. “If YOU don’t change, then she’ll leave again. If your relationship doesn’t change, then you will have accomplished nothing LONG-TERM.”

Think about it. What kind of man would date a woman to make his wife jealous? The woman he’s dating is looking for emotional intimacy and probably to get married. Be he’s using her. That’s not nice! In fact, that’s exactly the kind of man that a woman would leave and NEVER come back to.

Now you might be thinking, “Yeah Mort, but how would his wife ever know that he was using this woman?”

Here’s the answer. Listen carefully.

His wife would know because if he did it, then that’s who he is. His wife may not know the details of what he’s doing. But she knows him. And if he did such a thing, then that’s him, and everyone knows it.

William George Jordan said, “Into the hands of every individual is given a mrvelous power or good or evil… the silent, unconcious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be.”

There IS an energy that emanates from all of us. You can’t fake it. It’s a functio of who you really are. And who you really are is determined by how you live.

The only way YOU can change your marriage is to change yourself. You’ve got to become the man or woman that anyone would want to be married to. You have to learn what a man/woman wants in a marriage AND how to implement relationship habits so that you can offer it CONSISTENTLY.

Are you thinking, “It’s not me thatneeds to change; it’s my spouse.”

It’s easy to confess your spouse’s sins. And you’re probably correct about what you’re spounse needs to change. But it does not good to be right. And it’s a complete waste of time and energy t ofocus on your spouse’s problems. There’s nothing you can do about it. The only relevant question is: What’s YOUR fixing?

You had a role in the deterioration of your marriage. I have NEVER seen a marital situation that is caused by one spouse. There’s always dual responsibility. What can YOU do to improve the situation?

Reflect on your past relationships. Do you see a pattern? Look at your parent’s marriage. Are you recreating the model you saw when you were a child? Have you explored the childhood roots of your relationship habits and how they contributed to your marital circumstances?

Even if your spouse had an affair, you’re partly responsible. That doesn’t mean that it’s your fault and it doesn’t excuse your spouse’s inappropriate behavior, but the question still remains: What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Business pople selling e-books (or other such product and services) might be able to take advantage of desperate men and woman searching for a fts solution to their problems. But these quick-fix techniques NEVER work. In fact, they make matters worse! Why? Because you only get one change at a second chance. Did you hear that? You only get one change at a second change. Don’t blow your chance on a quick-fix technique. Begin now the REAL process of renewing your marriage and start to put into place the building blocks for a healthy LASTING marriage.

It would be an honor to help you accomplish this.

As I mentioned, the next Marriage Fitess Tele-Boot Camp begins soon. For more infor or to register, click here.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around or if the boot camp is sold-out, then get everything TOMORROW with Marriage Fitness Home-Flex. For more info or to order, click here.

I also do private 1-on-1 sessions. If you’re situation is urgent or if you desire personal and customized attention, you might want to consider private sessions. Once again, if you revi the testimonials on my web site, you’ll see that I’ve been known to put seemingly hopeless couples on a path to reconciliation. For more info about private session, click here.

I assume at this point you’ve already listened to Audio Learning Program of Marriage Fitness. If not, , click here and start listening to this invaluable marriage renewal guide. It’ll take you step-by-step to exactly where you’re trying to get to in your relationship.

Let me know if you have any questions. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. I wish you the best.

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marrriage Fitness

Whether you’re considering the boot camp or not, I think you’ll find the stories below will give you hope and inspiration. Dramatic change CAN happen in YOUR marriage too.

FROM MARTIN IN ROSEDALE, INDIANA

Hi Mort

My wife and I have been married 3 years and it was hard from the start. We’ve both been divorced before so this was not our first time trying to make a marriage work. This time was not going well either. My wife had 2 affairs, she left 4 times, and marriage counseling was a disaster. We were on the brink of divorce again. Then I surfed the net and found you.

I ordered your audio program, made appointments for private sessions with you, and registered for the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. In a matter of weeks, you saved our marriage, and, more importantly, taught us how to build love on our own.

If anyone is reading this who needs marriage help, get it from Mort. You won’t be sorry.

Thank you again Mort for saving our marriage and teaching us how to create love in our relationship.

Martin
Rosedale, Indiana
(Started in Lone Ranger Track and transferred for no-cost to the Duo Track after inspiring his wife to join him)

D.B.D. FROM NEW YORK, NY

Dear Mort,

Now that my tele-boot camp is over I would like to tell you how helpful it was.

I was in the lone ranger track. My husband said he didn’t love me or feel an emotional connection with me. He also said divorce would be our only option.

I listened to your audio program and joined the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. You gave me advice that I sometimes didn’t want to follow, but I did it anyway because I made a commitment to follow the program. I went from being a hysterical, scared woman, whose husband was having a year long affair to a confident wife whose husband has asked for a new beginning.

I would recommend this program to anyone. It really has made me see things more clearly than ever before. I am so grateful. Thank you and keep working with people like us!

D.B.D.

FROM T.B. IN MARYLAND

Are you thinking about registering for the boot camp? Here’s my story.

We had been married for 17 years and our marriage was falling apart. We couldn’t get through a conversation without criticism or attack. I heard Mort Fertel on the radio speaking about the principles of Marriage Fitness. After almost a year of traditional marriage counseling and making no improvement in our marriage, we decided to order his audio program. What a difference in just a few short weeks. Then we heard about the Boot Camp. My husband and I signed up and very much looked forward to each session. Through Mort’s guidance, we were able to make considerable progress. The workbook was especially helpful in helping give us ideas to reconnect and infuse positive energy into our marriage. For me, the boot camp also taught me how my actions and behaviors were sabotaging our relationship. I had always thought that if only my husband changed, our marriage would improve. I now see that no progress could be made until I recognized and made an effort to change my behavior toward my spouse. Mort was always available to answer questions and held us accountable to our own behaviors. Six months ago, I was counting the days until the kids were grown to leave my marriage, I no longer do that. Even though every day is not perfect, I can now see a hopeful future with my husband. We still have a lot of work to do, but we have a changed marital environment in which to do the work and have a bright outlook for a happy future.

T.B., Maryland
(Duo Track)

FROM LAURIE IN SIREN, WISCONSIN

Dear Mort,

It is hard to find words to describe the impact that you and the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp had on our marriage. Our marriage was on its last breath. We hadn’t talked, wanted to touch or felt close in years. But the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp turned our marriage around. It breathed life into our relationship. It saved our marriage!

You helped me see that there was hope when things seemed hopeless. I can honestly say I do not know where Don and I woudl be today without your help.

Practicing “marriage fitness” is a way of life for us now. We are very optimistic about our future together. Thanks so much for giving us the tools we need to make our marriage and lives happier than we could ever imagine.

Sincerely,
Laurie S.
(Lone Ranger Track)

I hope you found it meaningful to read about some of the marriage renewal successes born from the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. Any of those stories could be YOU! All it takes is 7 weeks.

To register for the next program or for more information, CLICK HERE.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX, a 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, CLICK HERE.

Depending on your circumstances, you may also benefit from private sessions. I do phone sessions and full-day intensive “house calls.” For more information, CLICK HERE.

Let me know if you have any questions and what I can do to help.

Wishing you well,

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness

Okay, enough of the smelly metaphor. The point is that it’s NORMAL for you and your spouse to err and for those “misses” to cause hurt… sometimes serious hurt.

Did your spouse hurt you? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse?

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

Except in the case of physical abuse, you can “move on” from anything. In fact, your marriage can end up even BETTER!

I know… you’re probably thinking, “Better? How could it be better than before we screwed up?”

It CAN be better, but you have to do one thing first. You have to forgive.

What does it REALLY mean to forgive?

Many people will say “I forgive you,” but continue to harbor anger in their heart. Some people say the words, but it’s obvious from their actions that things are still different.

Other people will say “I forgive you” but what they really mean is, “I don’t want to talk about this. I can’t deal with this. I’m turning you off.” And so the 3 magic words come out and form a wall that shuts out their spouse. True, they’re not angry, but that’s because they’ve shut down all emotions and refuse to reconnect.

Saying “I forgive you” is an entirely different ball game than truly forgiving.

Look carefully at the word “forgive.” It tells you what it means. “For-Give”… in other words, to GIVE as you did beFORE.

That’s true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did beFORE you were hurt, then you know you’ve forgiven. When you stand as close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got stepped on—that’s forgiveness.

That’s not easy to do. But it is possible. You can forgive each other and move on. And once you forgive, you’ll see that your marriage will be BETTER than it was before. You’ll be happy that the mistake was made (in a strange way) because you’ll realize that you would never have achieved the love you finally did without that mistake as your catalyst.

Did you know that when a broken bone heals, it’s stronger than it was before it was broken? You too can be STRONGER than before things broke down before you and your spouse.

Did you ever make love after a big fight? Did you ever think after you made-up, “Hey, this is great? We should fight more often.” (Ha Ha) Sometimes the highest-highs follow the lowest-lows.

But you have to know how to reconcile. You have to know how to get to a place of sincere forgiveness. If you want to achieve that and if you want to learn how to renew your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report “7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE.

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach

About 100 years ago I played on my high school baseball team (okay, I’m exaggerating a little, but it feels like 100 years). Anyway, there was a pitcher who had a nasty curve ball. It was the best curve ball in the league. But it was actually easy to hit. Why? Because you knew it was coming.

The pitcher who threw this amazing curve ball did something different in his wind-up when he threw the curve. So you expected it, which made it easy to hit.

There are certain signs in a marriage that “curve balls” are coming. I call them, “Famous Last Words.” If you hear (or say) any of the following, look out!

“We’re just friends.”

“I only read it for the articles.”

“It only happened once, honestly!”

“It didn’t mean anything.”

“It was a wrong number.”

“I can stop anytime I want.”

“I found it at work.” (referring to a new piece of jewelry)

“I have a headache.” (for the 10th time)

“I’m tired.” (for the 10th time)

“What other bank account?”

If you’re reading this article, you can probably add to the above list. In fact, feel free to add a comment with your contribution to my “Famous Last Words” list.

But most importantly, I don’t want your last words to be, “I should have gotten help.”

The above are not really LAST words; they’re WARNING words. They’re signs that a “curve ball” is coming. If you prepare, if you TAKE ACTION, you can maintain your marriage. If you ignore the signs and do nothing, they may be famous LAST words.

If you need help with your marriage, it’s a no-brainer to get the MARRIAGE FITNESS AUDIO LEARNING PROGRAM and start applying the principles that have helped repair thousands of marriages. It’s a 5 CD audio listening program that you’ll find to be an invaluable guide to renewing your marriage. If you don’t have it, then you can’t be serious about fixing your situation. For more info or to order: CLICK HERE.

If you’re ready for a comprehensive 7-week marriage-transforming experience, then you want the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. The next one begins soon. If you have any doubt about the impact that the boot camp can have on your marriage, CLICK HERE and check out the testimonials from people whose marriages were saved and are now thriving.

If your spouse won’t do the boot camp with you; no problem. I designed a special track of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp for people dealing with obstinate spouses. It’s called the Lone Ranger Track. For more information, CLICK HERE.

I want to point out that this is a TELE boot camp. You don’t have to go anywhere. You can do it from your home or office and all you need is a telephone. If you want the details, CLICK HERE.

The bottom line is this: The Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp is the most economically-efficient way to get an enormous amount of support, guidance, and counsel and it’s completely guaranteed. As I write this article, I’m in the midst of working with a group that is in their last week of a Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. I can’t tell you the warmth it brings to my heart to hear from them how the boot camp helped transform their marriage situation. I’d like to give that same gift to you. Be good to yourself, register now for the boot camp: CLICK HERE.

If you can’t wait until the next boot camp begins or if you don’t have 7 weeks to turn things around, then order… MARRIAGE FITNESS HOME-FLEX, A 9-Phase interactive multi-sensory relationship-changing self-guided system that gives you everything you need to transform your marriage. And you get it all tomorrow! For more information or to order, CLICK HERE.

Depending on your circumstances, you may also benefit from private sessions. I do phone sessions and full-day intensive “house calls.” For more information, CLICK HERE.

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author or Marriage Fitness, and in terms of when to give up on your marriage, here’s what I recommend.

If divorcing is a consideration for you from a moral perspective, then before you go that route, try first for at least one year.

Did you hear that?

Try for at least one year!

And I mean REALLY try. You can always call it quits. You always have that option. But once you pull the trigger, it’s over. No more chances. Your life will never be the same. Do you have kids? If you do, their life will never be the same.

If you end your marriage, you don’t want there to be a shred of doubt in your mind. You don’t ever want to look back and wonder if things could have been different. You don’t want to ask yourself, “What if this… and what if that… what if I tried this… what if I did that?”

If you have to end your marriage, you want to know DEEP IN YOUR HEART that you did everything you could to make it work.

If you have to end it, you want to be able to move on with your life and into another relationship with a clear head. You want to come to a place of healthy “completion.” THIS IS CRUCIAL! And to accomplish this, in my experience, it takes at least one year. I know it probably seems like a long time, but it’s an investment in the rest of your life.

Here’s the key point. Listen carefully. It’s a good investment for the rest of your life WHETHER YOUR MARRIAGE SUCCEEDS OR NOT. Obviously, it’s a good investment if you turn your marriage around. But if you don’t, it will NOT have been a wasted year. It will have been the most important thing you could have done with that year because of how your effort will impact the rest of your life AND YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP.

I have seen too many cases of spouses ending their marriage prematurely, and as result of not reaching “completion” in one relationship, they find themselves in the same situation a few years later with someone else.

The work I do with marriage coaching clients sometimes turns out to be more beneficial for them in their next relationship than in their current one.

I remember once when the marriage of someone who registered for the Lone Ranger track of the Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp ended in the middle of the program. This man asked me if he should continue with the final 3 weeks of the program. I said, “Absolutely.”

He responded, “Why? What’s the point? My marriage is over.”

“You’re not doing it for this marriage,” I explained. “you’re doing it for the benefit of your next one.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your intention while you’re working on your marriage should be for the benefit of your life after your marriage. Your interntion needs to be to restore your CURRENT relationship. But if you fail, your effort will NOT have been for naught.

Bottom line is this. If you’re asking, “When is it time to call it quits?” The answer is: one year after you think you’re done. If after one year of trying everything in your power to make your marriage work you’re still miserable, then you should consider moving on. Until then, hang in there and don’t give up.

This topic reminds me of my situation many years ago. I remember learning late one night that my wife had an appointment with a divorce attorney the next morning. We were hours from “done.” Who would have ever thought we could turn things around at that point?

It’s NEVER too late! In fact (and here’s real food for thought), very often the turning point in a marriage is when a couple hits rock bottom. Sometimes it’s not until things couldn’t get worse that they can get better.

I wish you and your spouse the best. If you’d like further information to help with your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report “7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE. It’s FREE.

Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach

Do you think a lot about your marriage? Is that an understatement? Is OBSESS more like it?

If you have marriage problems, you probably spend a lot of time and energy THINKING about your circumstances. You’ve probably analyzed your spouse, your marriage, and what happened to your relationship from every possible angle.

And the chances are good that others have weighed-in on your situation too. Have you discussed your problems with a friend, a family member, or a counselor?

An astute analysis of your relationship can be helpful. It sometimes leads to problem-solving ideas that work.

Talking about your situation can be helpful too. Most people find it therapeutic.

But sometimes the problem with thinking and talking about your marriage so much is that it becomes a substitute for DOING SOMETHING. Analyzing your marriage can be productive, but if you want change, there’s nothing like taking ACTION.

I once did a series of private phone sessions for someone who had been in therapy for over a year. In our first session, I asked what changes she and her husband implemented since beginning therpay. She said, “Well, no real changes. But I understand our problems much better.”

I call that “analysis paralysis.”

The great philosopher Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This is very true. But the unlived life is not worth examining!

THOUGHT and ACTION are like husband and wife. If you’re missing one, you can’t have a marriage.

Rigorous thinking gives direction to intelligent action. And action gives critical feedback for further thought. Ultimately, it’s the combination of the two that leads to clarity and a changed marriage.

Love is articulated in the vocabulary of ACTION. New thoughts and new words are useful when they inspire you to DEMONSTRATE new behavior.

If you’re ready to think differently about your marriage and act in a way that will create demonstrative change in your relationship, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report “7 SECRETS to a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE. It’s free.

Have you ever been to a funeral? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be sad. Did you ever take the SAT’s, the MCAT’s, or any other important entrance test? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time for intensity. Have you ever waited for test results from a medical exam? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to worry. Have you ever encountered a lot of turbulence on an airplane? That’s not a time to be happy. It’s a time to be scared.

The goal of life is NOT to be happy. The goal of life is to know what time it is.

Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.

“Everything has its season. And there is a time for everything under the heaven.”
“A time to be born and a time to die.”
“A time to weep and time to laugh.”
“A time to wait and time to dance.”
“A time to rend and time to mend.”
“A time to be silent and a time to speak.”
“A time to love and a time to hate.”
“A time for war and a time for peace.”

What time is it for you?

If you’re reading this, then maybe it’s time to renew your marriage. If so, then subscribe to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.

Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach