Watch What You Say.

A common mistake divorced parents make is to communicate through your children. Do not use your children as messengers going back and forth between their parents. You may want to have as little contact with your former spouse as possible. But even though you may be divorced you will continue to have a parenting relationship for some time so there will always still be things you need to communicate about. It may seem easier to pass messages between you and the other parent but you are literally putting them in the middle each time you do this. As hard as it may be, please keep these things in mind.

  • By asking them to deliver messages or pass notes to their parent you are putting them in a position to be mature enough to deal with the emotional response from their other parent.
  • By refusing to communicate yourself you are showing them that there is still conflict between the two of you and your children will automatically feel torn emotionally.
  • Be careful not to put your children in the position to have to choose between scheduling conflicts. You may think you are being fair by giving them the choice but you are actually putting the responsibility on them to make your grown up decisions.