We are working down the list of the top 10 things you should do when you become separated. We are on #3 and have 7 more to go. I hope you know that I have experienced every single one of these and as hard as I have tried to do everything right, I have made mistakes. This is a very difficult time in your life and no one is perfect. Please allow yourself some grace when you fall short but do not let your shortcomings cause you to stop trying to do better next time. We are in this together and I believe you can do this!!
3. STAY CLEAR OF ALL THE DRAMA
Believe me it is so easy to get sucked into the drama. You will want to seek revenge. You will want to defend yourself. You will want to get involved with all the gossip. And people will do anything to draw you into all the drama, possibly not even intentionally. Be on guard. Do not allow yourself to lash back. I assure you that the truth will come out in the end and at a time when people will listen.
Facebook is a common media expression of our feelings. Now is not the time to air your feelings to the Facebook world. Your emotions will be all over the place. Do not use Facebook as your release of frustration or avenue to share “your side”. You will never win when you choose this avenue to express your emotions or get your point across. I would highly suggest you take a Facebook fast and stay off of it for a short period of time. If you do not, I promise that you will read and see things that will be hurtful and prolong your healing. It will draw out your anger and cause more pain. Your life will be full of enough drama itself, you do not need to involve yourself in others or make things worse by retaliating. As impossible as this may seem, you will thank me later, I promise.
Try hard not to be dragged into the he said/she said discussions. Handle communication yourself and deal with others yourself instead of using a 3rd party. The more you can stay focused on the actual issues at hand and not drag past or hurtful comments into discussions the better you will feel and you will actually feel less stressed. If getting dragged into these unhealthy discussions gets to become a problem, write down your issues prior to your conversation and stay focused on what you are trying to accomplish.
I know at times people are just plain hurtful and this is a very fragile time in your life. It is also important that you protect yourself. You should try everything in your power to keep your communication with your spouse or ex spouse calm and focused on the issues only. As hard as it may be try not to over exaggerate situations and do not accuse people of things that you have not personally seen or heard.
Believe me, I know how hard this can be when emotions get high but by keeping as emotionally balanced as possible you will find yourself not spinning out of control as often thus making your home more peaceful and protecting your children from memories that will impact their lives forever. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them.
Stay tuned for the 4th thing to do when you become separated. Until then, when you feel your emotions rise, take some deep breaths and say a quick prayer.
Wishing you a Blessed day,